clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
