Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
