dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Semen is not good for contacts.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
