the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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