make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
