I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
