I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
