that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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