What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
