You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize