I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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