I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
