I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
