She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
