Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
