My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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