I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Plan B is the new Plan A
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
not ubering you a puppy
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
