This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Blood and glitter go together right?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
