and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
