My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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