is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
