I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize