He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
