did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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