my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize