If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
