I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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