Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
