Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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