best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
