im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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