Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
