i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
