I smell stomach acid.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
