Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He felt like a one man threesome
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
