First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
