It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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