My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
