I wish I could punch you in the face.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
