What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
