Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize