So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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