shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
