just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
