yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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