Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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