I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
