That's when you crack a 10am beer
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
