my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
