I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
