If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We need to rekindle our bromance
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
