ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
