i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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