I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The ass gains better be worth it
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