Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
