.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
