If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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