did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
