If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
