I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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