I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
