My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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