Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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