just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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