Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
