Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
