I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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