I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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