where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
